Theunlikelypastorswife

One word: Gossip. What comes to your your mind or maybe who comes to your mind? What is it that compels us to talk about other people to other people without talking to the people we are talking about first? This is a serious problem in a lot of our lives whether we find ourselves gossiping or the one’s being gossiped about it is a destructive evil that destroys lives.

As I have been getting responses from my previous posts, I have been thinking a lot about why we gossip, why we don’t want to go deeper, and why we don’t want to be real. I am so appreciative for everyone’s support in my struggle and for everyone’s prayers, concerns and thoughts.

I want to clarify that in my last post about women’s ministries I had no specific church or ministry in mind. I was writing about the majority of the 20 years I have been involved in the church and ministries and witnessed through my own personal conference/retreat attendance. It is not my desire to point fingers of blame. It is my deep desire that we would look at ourselves and truly ask God how we as women can do better.

Back to what I want to write about. Gossip. And I am proposing that some of the reasons that we gossip tie directly into why we don’t want to go deeper, why we don’t want to be real, and why we must control.

I believe that the reason that we don’t want to go deeper is born out of belief. We as women either believe that we are not smart enough to study the hard stuff and/or we feel like our time is precious and to study the hard theological/Biblical stuff would be to time consuming. I also think we might fear what we learn and what will be changed in us and thus to my next point.

I think that we don’t want be real with people because we fear that if they truly saw ALL of us they would lose respect for us and not like us anymore which translates to our need to be loved. We have this mindset as women that in order to have worth and be loved, we must have status and control. Our need to control is born out of our fear to trust the One that has ALL of the control past, present, and future. This is also why we hate to change or have the things around us that we controlled once change.

The underlying theme in all of these struggles is fear. We gossip because we want to experience connectedness to others and will do whatever it takes to feel that. We also just flat out are sinners and lift ourselves up and make ourselves feel better by putting others down or saying, “I’m so glad I’m not them.” We let the fear of not having love and connectedness drive us to sin. We are wanting to define who we are and where our worth lies by what we do or don’t do, who we know, who loves us, and what we know instead of defining ourselves in Christ.

So what will you do to stop and break the chain of gossip? How will you strive to be more vulnerable, open, and honest with others so as to glorify Christ’s redeeming and healing power in you story? What theological topic or book of the Bible will you study to go deeper in your relationship with the Lord?  Who will you allow define who you are and where your worth lies? How will you let go of the control you hold in a tight, closed fist? And what might happen in your life if you dare to answer these questions? Risk. I dare you.

I feel like I am standing on the edge of a very high cliff getting ready to jump off with no bungee cord. Only a parachute. The cliff is a mountain of messy experience. The jump is into a calling that only God could call someone as broken as me to. And the parachute is of course the God who Sees. For those of you that know me, this is just normal Becky speak. For those of you who are just reading my stuff, bless you and may God grant you grace to stumble along through my ramblings. I have felt for a long time that Women’s ministries have been missing something. And that something is uncomfortable truth. To read on should not be for the light hearted. When I think about women’s Bible studies, retreats, and conferences, the word fluff comes to my mind. Pink is a close second. Tickle my ears and entertain me is third. Don’t get me wrong. God has and is using women through fluff and pink and tickling ears and entertainment and I’m not saying the current female speakers should stop doing/being what they feel like God has called them to. I am asking, is there a need for something different? God help me, I think so. Where are the educated 20/30 somethings (Kelly Simpson, you are my hero) that are honest but respectful women that have so much wisdom to offer the body of Christ? Where are the women’s sexual addictions groups? Where are the women’s prison ministries? Where are the single mother’s support groups? Where are the divorced wives support groups? Where are the abused women support groups? These exist outside of the church, but why are they not in EVERY SINGLE church body?  Why are we not talking about and listening to what makes us feel uncomfortable? Why are we allowing the darkness of ignorance to veil our eyes and hearts? If your church is doing these things than praise the Lord for your faithfulness to live out the Gospel. ALL churches should be tapped into the needs of their body AND community. It is my prayer that God would use a broken vessel like me to be used to shed light into darkness. Specifically light into the darkness of what we keep secret and hush hush. I believe that Satan is binding women in their secrets and unwillingness to listen/talk about “off color,” “offensive,” subject matter. I’m not saying that we should have a license to sin and yes I realize that this is a fine line I am attempting walk. God give me grace, wisdom, and truth in love. I am inviting you to join me in prayer for women in the church and those serving women in the church. I hope that women’s ministries will no longer be weighed and found wanting. I’m hoping that through data and research He will enable me to put together some useful exhortations and information to disperse confusion and darkness and allow the light of His unchanging, never ending love, to penetrate the hearts and minds of women and myself. I take heart that God is the one that is in control and He will be the one that guides me. May He be the one that is seen and heard in a real unapologetic way.